He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
