i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
