Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
