So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
