Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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