I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
