Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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