I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
