I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
