I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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