Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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