Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
you never un-have a 4some
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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