apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
