they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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