I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
