a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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