She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
