Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
