i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize