i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
