I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
