this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
