thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
