Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
