Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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