No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
