she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
