this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize