there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
