That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
