Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Buhtt sex?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
