We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
