can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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