Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
