What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
