you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
