She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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