An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
