Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
