Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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