I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
