You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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