when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
