the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
