ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it's like iHOP with fire
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
