I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
