My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
