just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
