First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
