Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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