You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
