YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize