she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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