The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
