Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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