Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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