we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
