Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
