So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize