He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
