my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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