My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
