Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
